The client is struggling. Current IT staff is not capable and are wasting valuable cycles. Competitors are nipping at their heels and IT leadership is whistling by the graveyard. What is one to do?

This is the call I received last week and I immediately sprang into action. I quickly assembled the team and we converged on the client site. The initial meeting was tense. I looked at the Executives assembled before me and boldly claimed: “Your business is dying and IT is to blame”.

As heads nodded in the affirmative, I started with the proposal in a few steps:

Step 1: Offshore the entire IT department by Christmas. In a bold move, I told the customer to perform the layoffs on 12/24 so that tax savings would be maximized. But I told them to keep the layoffs a secret so we could pump all the information out of the current staff as possible.

Step 2: Allow me to staff a massive IaaS offering with self-service, cloud-bursting, load balancing, auto-tuning, agility, flexibility, pervasiveness, and ROI. Center of innovation would be Bangalore with secondary center of innovation in Russia.

Step 3: Sign a 10 year commitment with my firm to manage the resources.

The client agreed in short order. We celebrated at a fine steakhouse, with the pre-requisite leather chairs and all. #IaaS for Christmas is what the client wanted and what they will get!

Sincerely, TCC